Staring into Darkness
by IG42
Summary: People are born, they live and they die. Getting a new life after that might have been an accident but I'm not giving it back now.
1. Chapter 1

Edit 21/06/17 Adding a little preface since this is still going somehow:

Yes this is an OC Self Insert and a bunch of you just left...for those remaining this is also a reincarnation fic and if you are not familiar with that already you should go and read at least the first several chapters of Silver Queen's Dreaming of Sunshine, not hard to find search it or just sort the Naruto library by follows it's like number four from the top go on now I'll wait...

...

...okay welcome back! Good stuff right? I hope I can put my own spin on the concept like so many others have with a modest degree of success, cheers for stopping by. Wagons Roll or something like that!

 _After this, things can only get better - Betelgeusian Death Song_

* * *

Dying sucks.

It sucks in varying degrees for different people and for me...it really sucked.

When some people die they do it peacefully with smiles on their faces seeing an end to their pain, others are gone like the light of their lives have been flicked off by a switch and some teeter on the brink for a time to watch and wonder if they'll come back from the edge of the precipice or slip away with a hellish inevitability.

In case you can't tell yet I fell into the last category.

I don't remember how it happened but I found myself drifting (floating? suspended?) within a void lit only by the guttering flame of my life-force. Vague sounds and a distant pain filtered down from the light and I grasped at both with equal desperation, these sensations were my only path back to the world of light and life.

After an unknown stretch of time that seemed an aeon I noticed that the feelings that coloured the otherwise soundless, sightless emptiness were fading away, _I was fading_. I'd been on the edge for a long time but now I was sliding off it.

The long if not eternal sleep of death called to me, my reply was a scream terror and defiance. The sound went nowhere, no medium existed to carry it through the emptiness. I yelled and cried out and blasphemed against whatever god or demon thought I could be simply dumped out of the universe and ignored.

Hours passed as I raged against the nothingness until I grew desperate enough for a response to fall silent and strain for some sign that I was achieving _something_ with my struggle. Even with my senses heightened by the lack of stimuli it took some time for me to notice that the only thing that had changed was the fact that conditions were no longer changing, while sound and pain had left me sometime back the light was no longer fading. I pondered this reprieve debating whether I should risk calling out to the dark again, my thoughts spiralled out of control until a dull pulsing reverberated all around me which translated into a regular rhythm of sound.

Content to listen to the varying rate of the strangely comforting beating I remained silent. The odd fluctuations gave me back a sense of time, it slowed and returned to 'normal' at fairly regular intervals allowing me to mark them in cycles. Dozens of my newly conceived cycles passed as the beats became clearer bringing with them muffled voices speaking in a language unknown to me.

While I had regained a sense of sound and time the feeling of touch remained absent, I still floated in darkness. I'm not the kind of person who desperately craves the company of another but I needed to touch _something_ to make certain I wasn't dead.

Outside the odd speech continued, the closest and the one I heard most often seemed to be a female voice. It had spoken calmly or with a happy excitement until that day. The day I was reborn.

My world shook suddenly and a shock reverberated through the space, the Voice cried out and shouted with an infectious panic.

Fleshy walls shoved me from all sides pushing me away from the void I had been trapped in for so long. I was forced in vaguely the same direction but I didn't seem to be reaching the end of whatever this was and the Voice was joined by others that spoke calmly yet urgently.

The only thing about what was going on was that I was as about to start whooping with joy, it seemed I was going somewhere at last and more importantly; I had touched _something!_ The jostling and discomfort was to me the proof that I'd been yearning for, proof that I was truly alive.

My rising hope seemed abruptly dashed when the shifting walls stilled leaving me stuck in a cramped space. I struggled and squirmed as I tried to move further outward until the surface above my head was split open by a giant hand wreathed in a green glow reached for me.

I was so desperate for any kind of human contact that I lunged upward as best I could and grabbed on to the glowing hand with both of mine. My hands were different, wrong, they were tiny and my fingers were little more than useless stubs. The glow surrounding the giant hand dissipated revealing a surgical glove covering it, the gloved hand pulled gently out of my grasp and widened the gap in the ceiling of my enclosed world.

I'd run out of explanations that made any sense based on my knowledge from before a long time ago, I had been dying, probably had died and grown again into a brand new body before becoming the only person to remember witnessing a c-section from the inside. I mean it was terrifying but overriding that was the sheer exhilaration at having come back from death, for all I knew God had reached out to draw me into his bosom and I'd told him to piss off.

Gloved Hand had managed to extricate me from inside my new mother while I was connecting the dots, an experience I wouldn't mind forgetting for a second time, Gloved Hand poked and prodded me until I remembered that I was supposed to make a noise to let them know I was alive.

Taking a deep breath I yelped ungracefully at the sharp pain as my new lungs inflated. My best attempt at swearing turned into a string of wails and gurgles that apparently satisfied the two adults since Gloves well...the doctor I suppose swaddled me up and placed me in New Mother's arms. Getting some names soon would be nice.

Finally finished with all the palaver I felt calmer listening to the familiar voice and managed to get a look around; I seemed to be in a normal hospital room apart from having less 'machine's that go ping' than I expected, or surgical tools, for that matter how did that doctor or surgeon whatever perform the c-section? He'd used his hands with that weird glow the whole way through.

New Mother cooed and bounced me a little in her arms apparently dissatisfied with me for not paying attention to her. She kept speaking in the same confusing language, she had been saying one word over and over; "Toshio."

 _What is that? Is..is that my name?_

Somehow I hadn't considered that I'd be given a new name, silly to think that I would get to keep the one I'd had before but it just hadn't crossed my mind that the only things left of my former identity were going to be my memories and a strange obsession with the number 42.

Overwhelmed for a moment I huddled close to Mother, the only constant I had. Looking up I studied the face of the woman who had carried me out of the dark: she had black hair and a sharply defined face that looked all the more gaunt for it's fatigue but through it she held me securely and wore a beatific smile.

 _Who are you? What is this place? Do you know what happened to me?_

Unable to form words in any language I simply made random noises until another man burst into the room and spoke quickly to Mother who answered back in a calm and familial tone.

 _And who might you be? Am I meant to call you father now? Wait-what the hell is that thing on your head?!_

He'd been leaning over me and moving closer when I noticed the impossibly familiar symbol on his forehead. Following my gaze Not Father grinned and tilted his head so I could run my tiny hands over the leaf crest etched into a metal plate.

 _Bollocks to that, he's got to be some kind of cosplayer or something._

The symbol bounced around in my mind for a moment before connecting with the doctor's glowing hand from earlier and his not needing any tools. The only explanation for that symbol and the glowy-ness turning up seemed impossible.

 _Not impossible, just very improbable._

I felt a growing desire to bang my head against the wall.

The kid wearing the same symbol on an identical headband that seemed to teleport in from nowhere effectively shot down any objections to the truth I had left.

I had died and somehow managed to be reborn into another world with my memories intact.

That world, was the world of Naruto.

* * *

Author Notes: Bugger me I actually did a thing! Is anyone still reading? Well for starters yes this more than a bit inspired by the works of Our Saviour Silver Queen who hath absolved us of the sins of the self insert. You see a lot of these around but I haven't seen any starring blokes well except for Supernatural Crossover Girl's Dysphoria which is it's own beast. This is getting overlong so review and/or fav or follow as you please, I'm ready to cry in the shower anytime. Ok signing off for real.


	2. Chapter 2

For the sake of my dignity I choose to believe that my new tiny body simply dozed off from all the excitement as opposed to passing out from the shock of realising where I was.

Not that I did pass out but say if I had, in my defence being reborn into a world I had believed to exist only in fiction gives one a nasty turn.

I regained awareness after what appeared to be a few hours. I'd been moved around while I slept and had ended up in the arms of the kid who had teleported in earlier who now slouched in a chair, taking a look across the room I was relieved to see Mother still there sleeping soundly. Not Father was gone for some reason, apparently Konoha ninja don't get much in the way of paternity leave.

Feeling more comforted than I thought I should at Mother's presence I looked back at the kid, he had the same dark hair as Mother and looked like he was only 9 or 10. I tried to get a look at his face but it was mostly hidden behind an outlandishly large collar on his shirt and he seemed to be dozing off.

 _Who are you? Who are you to me?_

I made a questioning noise catching the kid's attention, he stared down at me wearing a wide grin and spoke to me in a quiet voice covering a layer of excitement. Having realised where I was I'd also twigged that the language being spoken was Japanese, my knowledge of the language was a bastardised mess picked up from assorted animé (well and Heroes) over the years Before but I could get the gist of a small part of what he said.

"….. …. 'Shio? … … big brother, … ….. Shisui."

 _Shisui Uchiha. War veteran,_ _master of the Shunshin technique and wielder of the_ _Mangeky_ _o_ _Sharingan_ _is my older brother._

 _I know who I am now, where I stand in this world._

 _My name is Toshio Uchiha and I am completely screwed._

From what little I knew about Shisui him being here and alive meant that the Uchiha Massacre hadn't happened yet and would happen before I was old enough to stop it myself.

I let out a piercing wail of panic that had Mother instantly snap awake and scoop me up out of Shisui's grasp. Unable to run and with no way to fight back or even curse my misfortune I simply kept crying out for help or just some comfort and there was none to be found in Mother's arms no matter how much she tried.

All I could see was Shisui standing with blood streaming down his face and his own eye in his hand alongside the image of Mother lying dead in the dirt.

The only thought in my mind was that I was completely helpless and my new family was meant to protect me until I could do it myself but they would fail, I barely considered if my new parents supported the coup or had simply been dragged along with it. Either way I felt betrayed by all of them for dying in the future.

I didn't stop howling until I broke down coughing and instinctively choking down a proper breath.

Shisui ran over again dragging a different doctor than before behind him, I hadn't seen him leave the room but I suppose that was to be expected considering his chosen profession.

The doctor seemed to think the other two were overreacting until he examined me with his glowing medi-hand or whatever it's meant to be called, his face grew serious as I felt his chakra rove through my throat, healing the sore tissue as it went.

Physically spent but mentally overloaded I flopped limp and trembling in Mother's arms.

Since I obviously wasn't in a position to run or hide I submerged myself in my whirling thoughts to try a get them in some sort of order.

 _What can I do to survive? There's no way I can get strong enough to fight Itachi in time, can't just tell the rest of the clan about it or they'd start the coup early and drag the entire nation down with them._

 _The closest anyone got to stopping the coup and the massacre was..will be when….when Shisui tried to use_ _Kotoamatsukami._

I twisted around to stare up at him. He had gone to stop everything from going to shit but he'd failed because of…

 _Danzo. That bastard stole his eye and ruined everything. If I can somehow keep Shisui away from him, just warn him or something I can save myself and everyone else!_

Not wanting to get off on the wrong foot I stretched out my pudgy arms towards Shisui in silent appeal but he simply shuffled uncomfortably and tried to avoid making eye contact. I pouted and flapped my hands at him by way of reply.

 _Come on! I'm not going to freak out again. Love me!_

He still fidgeted but quickly scuttled over when Mother spoke up sternly. I unwittingly tried to snicker evilly but it came out as an annoyingly cute giggle and I scowled at the mounting damage to my masculinity, unfortunately Shisui can't the full brunt of my grimacing and he stared at me like I was about to go for his neck.

 _No need to worry, we're going to get along famously onii-chaaann.._

* * *

A week of massive boredom, furious brainstorming, desperate attempts to make some sense of the language and having physical needs dealt with in ways I will never detail passed during which I at least managed to catch the names of my new parents. Mum was Kana Uchiha and Father was Satoru Uchiha though he wasn't around as anywhere near as much as Shisui was, if Fugaku was even busier I could understand why Itachi had been a substitute father figure for Sasuke.

Speaking of Itachi I had sort of failed to keep my silent promise to Shisui not to flip out again when they turned up together, no more screaming fits but I yelped loudly and scrambled as best I could toward the far end of the cot I'd been placed in.

The two boys simply looked at each other and Shisui shrugged my odd behaviour off again while I tried to calm myself down with thoughts of how I was **not** going to make Itachi kill me or anyone else, well he was still going to be in ANBU in the future but frankly I didn't really care about that.

To be honest I'm not the most decent person, I'll do random favours for others since I do spend a lot of my time mucking about and drop my loose change in the occasional charity pot but you won't see me stick my neck out for almost anyone, if I hadn't been in the firing line I would've maybe tried to stick my nose in a little but mostly I'd have just let things take their course, well except for saving Neji, that guy is a badass and deserves better than to simply get killed off.

Thankfully at the end of the week both me and mum were finally discharged. Once we got outside I was trying to look at everything at once until I glanced up at the sky, it was a bright summer day and I looked back at the ground out of habit.

Thing is Before I hadn't had terribly good eyes, I was one of two out of an immediate family of six that didn't wear glasses but I'd still had a slightly unhelpful partial colour-blindness condition. Until a benign brain cyst messed with my right eye, the blasted thing became so sensitive to light that a decently sunny day made it effectively useless and the left could get half dazzled in really bright light.

I spontaneously started laughing at the irony and joy of being reborn with eyes that were better than new and would get even stronger with time.

When we arrived at the Uchiha clan compound both Fugaku and the heavily pregnant Mikoto were waiting to greet us, apparently the friendship between Itachi and Shisui had led to both sets of parents becoming familiar with each other.

They both took a turn at holding me and making annoying noises at in my direction which I, lacking any other option endured stoically until I was passed back to mum and we finally made it to my new home.

The next two and a half months passed quietly in mind-numbing boredom. The British tendency to not complain as long as all of one's parts are still attached doesn't really help when one hasn't mastered (or remastered) the art of crawling yet. Instead I indulged my long buried desire to scream at the world for the hell of it which at least made **something** happen though I still felt a bit bad for kicking up a fuss each time.

For the sake of something else to do without being _handled_ I had done some experimenting with my chakra, specifically I tried to boost my meagre physical strength in an attempt to move under my own power. My greatest success had been managing to roll over and get stuck face down until Shsui who had been on babysitting duty at the time noticed and righted me. I had found myself not having to fake affection for my brother, he was genuinely a nice guy and one of the few Uchiha blokes that wasn't an intolerable edgelord.

Three days after my gymnastic smeg up I met Sasuke for the first time, he had been born a couple of weeks earlier so he wasn't exactly interesting company yet but not a murderous mess at least, he mostly flopped around and tried to poke me in the face while our mothers looked on approvingly.

* * *

Nothing else worth speaking of occurred for almost three months when another member of the main cast 'arrived'. I had been going over the story in my mind to keep it fresh when the air shivered with a nervous tension that thickened until it seemed to steal away and replace the oxygen in my blood. Without anywhere to run to even if I had been able to I cried out for help with what little breath I could get, even after mum scooped me up and sprinted to the nearest shelter with me I still sobbed and gibbered incoherently for hours until the oppressive force and thunderous noise vanished abruptly.

Calming down my thoughts turned to the newborn and newly orphaned 'child of prophecy'.

 _Happy birthday Naruto. You don't know it yet but you are going to be fantastic. A suicidal, idiotic imbecile but still fantastic. It's going to be great to meet you._

Unfortunately I had forgotten about that age old saying…..

* * *

Me again! Somehow the number of people who liked chapter 1 added up into double digits. Seriously this only got written because of you guys who faved, followed and reviewed. Special thanks to my two reviewers Sei Nah and DarkDust27 (That one was especially detailed).

As to why I involved Shisui I think his character was very underutilised for how much impact he had on the plot in general, both for his personal impact on Itachi and the use of his eyes.

Oh and 'smeg' is a fictional cuss word in case you didn't know.


	3. Chapter 3

Author Note: Alright so this took...a bit longer than the first two, sorry about that I guess. Still big arse chapter!

* * *

Coming to a gap in the line of rooftops I gathered strength in my knees and jumped, sailing over the gap and touching down on the next buildings roof with the barest clatter of the tiles.

Down the street I spotted my target strolling towards me apparently unaware of my presence. Crouching low I silently prowled closer like a cat while wondering if my quarry really didn't know I was watching or was simply faking.

As I hastily got into position I accidentally dislodged a tile with my foot, it slid less than half a meter before I twisted and snatched it up but the damage was already done. I looked down expecting my target to be staring straight at me but he was still walking as if nothing had happened.

He was definitely faking.

But since I'm the optimistic type and refused to discount the infinitesimally small chance my target really hadn't noticed me I jumped him anyway, to be more precise I jumped on him.

"Oh woe is me! I have been ambushed by a vicious rogue ninja!" My 'victim' wailed theatrically and pretended to try and shake me off. "Can no one save me from this terrible fate?"

"Come on nii-chan I know you heard me coming." I scolded him but without any real venom while I got myself properly seated on his shoulders. Now four years into my new life I was still almost deliriously happy about being able to walk, talk and eat solid food again.

"Did you notice me at the start or was it just when I knocked this thing lose?" I dropped the offending tile into Shisui's hand, he flipped it over casually and turned to smirk at me.

"You really want to know? Wouldn't it be better if I let you work it ou-ow!" I interrupted his taunting by giving his hair a quick tug. "You're going have to do better than that 'Shio, I've been trained not to break."

I tugged his hair again petulantly while I composed a decent comeback. "Don't make me go for your ears 'Shui. You don't comprehend the depths of torment I can inflict upon you." Leaning forward I tried to push his headband down over his eyes.

"Hey, hey, hey I'm the older one therefore only I get to use nicknames." Shisui said batting my prying hands away.

"Nicknames are a sacred right among siblings no matter what order they're born in." Just because I was four didn't I couldn't sound superior, it's an English thing.

After a few more rounds of back and forth we lapsed into a companionable silence for a while. I at least was certain that I'd won the argument even if Shisui thought he still had a whelk's chance in a supernova of making me concede to him.

Eventually I spoke up again. "Ne, nii-chan? Why don't the other people in the village not like us?" The villagers not friendly with the Uchiha clan was an understatement, if they thought Naruto was a ticking time bomb then we had already detonated as far as they were concerned and there weren't any conveniently specific laws to slow the rumour mill.

It had quickly become common knowledge that an advanced Sharingan could manipulate a Bijuu leading to the technically correct conclusion that an Uchiha had been behind the attack though that also lead to the assumption that at least one of the clan in the village had done it since all of us were thought to be accounted for along with Kakashi who of course was the only non-Uchiha with a Sharingan, at least the only one everyone knew about.

Shisui twisted his neck to look at me for a moment and walked in silence for another minute before speaking up.

"They live in a hidden village 'Shio if they aren't a little paranoid they'd best move somewhere less interesting." He sighed. "The Kyuubi did so much damage and killed the Fourth Hokage, people can't believe the attack was just a coincidence."

"Hmm." I ruminated over his reasoning. "Do you think they-." _Do you think they_ _'_ _re right not to trust_ _the others_ _?_ I wanted to get a handle on the clan's attitude though I was worried about seeming smarter than a four year old should be even though it seemed like every third Uchiha was expected to be some kind of prodigy. Besides it wasn't hard to find someone complaining about our having being moved to the arse end of the village.

"Do you think you can use that as an excuse for not being a Jonin yet?" I said quickly and tried to laugh off the tension. Shisui looked back at me again but I was thankfully saved from any penetrating questions for the moment when another voice cut in.

"Hey Toshio, Shisui!"

"Sasuke!" I called down to the boy as he ran up to us. "Did you manage to surprise Itachi? I got caught."

Sasuke was, not counting my brother, my closest friend in this world. Admittedly he was the only other Uchiha anywhere near my age and the rest of the clan was telling everyone else "fine we don't really like you either" leaving Sasuke as the only person to muck about with as well as my regular training partner.

He was a good kid, not cracking under the weight of his hatred. Already both smart enough to keep up with me in a decent conversation and skilled enough to make the question of which of us was stronger a proper contest rather than a foregone conclusion.

"No I haven't even seen him yet." Sasuke replied with a pout. "I guess he's still working."

"Really? Well next time I'll come with you on the stakeout." I said. "You can show me how it's done." Smiling slyly I spoke in a lower tone. "Then again…do you actually want to win?"

"Eh?" Sasuke looked at me like I'd just tried to explain the plot of Metal Gear, even though I didn't have that mess straight in my head anymore. "Why wouldn't I want to beat you?"

"I'd sure like to know." Shisui muttered wryly. I do at least try not to behave oddly or sound smarter than I should be, well I try sometimes, on special occasions.

I shushed my brother and jumped down. As much as I liked pretending I was still a head taller than most of humanity I felt I my next statement would sound better at eye level.

"Now Sasuke my friend, you see if Itachi gets surprised by either of us jumping on him that would be a bit rubbish for a super prodigy like him. On the other hand nii-chan noticed me right away. Way I see it that would say more about their skill level rather than ours."

While I said he was bright for his age Sasuke was still four so he had to process that for a moment before replying.

"So...you think if I beat Itachi-nii then that means Shisui is the better ninja?"

"Indeed." I said flatly while clasping my hands behind my back and trying and failing to keep a straight face.

"Buuut." Sasuke began "If I catch Shisui then that means Itachi-nii is the better one right?"

"Umm, hmm somehow I hadn't thought about that." I mumbled mostly to myself.

"Itachi and I aren't going to get a moment's peace are we?" Shisui said. He didn't seem too aggrieved by the idea just resigned and more than a little amused.

"Indeed." Me and Sasuke dead-panned simultaneously. We held our blank faces together for a moment, then I snorted a little and set off all three of us. We stood there sniggering on the street without a care for the strange looks we got from the passers-by. The three of us moved along when a stony faced clan elder made a sharp comment about "proper decorum" accompanied by a few murmurs of approval.

As soon as we were out of sight on a quieter street I made a low sound of annoyance in the general direction of where the old man had been, if I hadn't developed my _healthy_ cynicism before I'd ended up surrounded by people trying to drill Uchiha clan values into my head, well there's the whole concept of respecting your elders but I've found a lot of the elderly are grumpy sods with outdated ideals rather than sage advice.

Shisui frowned at my open belligerence. "'Shio..." He said warningly. "You can't go around badmouthing people like that."

"Come on, I don't say that stuff to their faces." I replied trying to be placating.

My brother sighed deeply. "You're missing the point."

Unexpectedly Sasuke stopped walking and piped up. "So is that what you think of my father?" He murmured. "You act like you respect him but insult him behind his back?"

 _Shite. This is what I get for having a cynical mother first time around. That and not hanging around anyone remotely important._

"Sasuke, I'm sorry." Saying those words was always like pulling teeth when it was someone I knew well. "Your dad-er Fugaku-sama is our badass leader, I mean he's the only clan leader I've dealt with obviously but from what I can tell he does a great job of it."

The other boy leaned in close to study my expression, he stared at me until even Shisui was shifting awkwardly just from watching. After a straight minute of staring Sasuke pulled away and folded his arms.

"Hmm." He grunted with a frown. "I guess that'll do for now. I can think of some other way for you to apologise later." His frown vanished as the rest of his face smirked evilly.

"Hah...hah….hah." I laughed nervously and glanced at Shisui in a silent appeal for help. While he did plant a hand on my head and ruffle my hair he also told Sasuke we had to get home for dinner. Since digital watches hadn't been invented four-year old boys weren't trusted with their own timepieces so thankfully Sasuke bought it.

Leaping back onto my brother's shoulders he shunshin'd us both back home faster than I could register any acceleration and before I got any warning. Jarred by the transition I instinctively gripped his hair with my hands.

"Warn me before you do that please!" I literally squeaked. "I need to psych up for getting shot about like a spitball." I like the idea of being too fast to even see but even Jonin using flash-step have to plan where they're going in advance without some sort of special eyeballs.

"Come on it's not that bad." Shisui said while he pried my fingers loose. "You'll need to get over this if you're going to learn to flash-step yourself."

"If I do it myself I'll know it's coming." I said matter-of-factly. "It's completely different."

As my brother took a breath to reply the door to the house slammed open revealing mum in her full Military Police uniform. While she was technically still an active ninja having a second child...well me had relegated her to administrative work.

"Boys, if you two are going to squabble you can do it inside not on the doorstep." Thankfully she sounded more amused than her irritated expression indicated.

Shisui simply chuckled nervously and walked inside. War veteran and bearer of a Mangekyo he may be but he was also still only 13 years old and it showed more often that I expected. Slipping out of his shoes he chirped "We're back!" while bending to let me jump down.

Stretching my legs I habitually glanced around the main room. The single storey house was large enough for me to have my own room that rated slightly above a shoe box. Our position in the clan wasn't all that high up so we didn't get anything too fancy even with Shisui as a claim to fame.

"Welcome home." Mum said wryly as she followed us in. "So what was the argument about?" She asked while untying the protector from around her neck. "Nothing too trivial I hope."

"No 'Shio-" Shisui began but I cut him off.

"Nii-chan shunshin'd me around without warning again." I complained loudly over him.

"Aww, you poor boy." She fluidly dropped to one knee and hugged me. "It's okay to be scared you know?" Looking over her shoulder I shared a confused and slightly worried glance with my brother. I thought she was playing around until she said that last part.

Mum worried about me, had done ever since I dashed across my first rooftop, reminding me that I didn't have to be a ninja like her or Shisui. "You can be whatever you want to be." She kept telling me. Father didn't agree at all.

They argued about it sometimes, about my future. Smeg if any of us got that far I'd take whatever I could get but I certainly preferred having options. From listening to them I had managed to get an idea of where they were both coming from.

Father saw that I was smarter than any four-year old had any right to be and could already outdo a good chunk of the current academy students. He was annoyed that the regulations of starting and graduating early had been tightened after the war ended and fully expected me to go be another Shisui.

That was the last thing mum wanted for me. My brother had gone off to war when he was younger than ten and came back having suffered a big enough emotional trauma to activate his Mangekyo. All mum wanted was for one of her sons to be a normal kid, at least by this society's standards.

Well if my plan to save Shisui and break the vicious chain of events worked perfectly I would have all the time in the world to decide what I wanted to be. If things went much the same way and I survived anyway through some idea I pulled out of my arse I'd have a target painted on my back my whole life. The last possible outcome could just piss off.

If I had a choice of which world I ended up in I would have gone with Pokémon, no one dies horribly in Pokémon. Except for Hunter J, that came out of nowhere.

I simply stood there for a few minutes feeling her arms tighten with mine hanging limply at my sides, eventually I reached up and wrapped them around her neck and hugged her back.

"Don't worry, I'll always be brave." I tried my best to fill my words with the kind of sincerity only an entirely innocent child could muster, or a very good barefaced liar.

 _I'll save you. I know I can do it, damn the other possibilities._

Mum finally let me go to pull back and stare at me with an unreadable expression. Staring back in confusion I went with what I thought was the safest option and pasted on a wide grin.

 _Did I say the right thing? Am I acting normally enough?_

Shisui thankfully directed the subject away from weighty questions about the future by asking why dad wasn't home yet and I made good on the distraction, however fleeting and ducked into the bathroom.

Splashing water over my face I caught myself staring at my reflection. All in all apart from being a small child I couldn't complain. Having the black hair was darker than the plain brown I used to have though I rather liked that, while I hated being the centre of attention it was nice to be distinct. Seeing my solid black eyes staring back was spooky for a long time, I kept getting drawn into them looking for where the iris ended and the pupil began.

I wondered from time to time if there was supposed to be someone else looking through these eyes. Had my soul been shoehorned into this body in place of another? Morbidly I felt better about it when I reasoned that if there had been a Toshio Uchiha in the original events then he would have died with the rest of the clan, of course then I had to put aside my anxiety over trying not to die myself.

Leaving the bathroom I quickly noticed that father still hadn't got home yet. I looked questioningly at Shisui and got a shrug in return. Mum had gone to change out of her uniform.

Going to the sink I looked at the eye level counter with a familiar flash of irritation before dragging a footstool into place so I could reach.

"You know if you're just after a glass of water I can get it for you." Shisui offered from where he sat at the kitchen table, he sounded amused at the effort I was putting in to a simple task.

"You know you can just sit down and shut up." I retorted with an edge of anger in my voice. Few things make me angrier than being coddled. I'd spent my first life trying not to punch out everyone who suggested I needed special treatment, it wasn't a physical issue then but I still loathed having my independence questioned.

Grabbing my drink I sat at the table opposite Shisui and sipped quietly until he spoke up.

"'Shio…" He began. "I get that you're old enough to do some things by yourself but you don't have to grow up overnight." Pausing he looked down at the table, then back at me. "Like I had to." It was only the third or fourth time he had ever referenced his war experiences around me.

 _If I was grown up then we could save everyone together._

I didn't mind being reborn too late to stop Obtio being recruited by Madara, unless saving the most powerful ninja clan in Konoha somehow made things worse then events could play out pretty much as they would have without me for all I cared. But I felt that I should be able to do more than simply tip off Shisui and maybe Itachi closer to the time. I cared about these people, they had once been mere shades that existed as I perceived them through tiny windows into this world but now I saw them living and breathing, they had real lives beyond what I could see and that heightened the sense of injustice I had felt about the clan's fate.

"I...I want to be able to help you nii-chan." I said haltingly. Out of myself and the three siblings I had Before I liked to think I was the one most willing to do favours and the least combative.

Shisui stood up and changed seats to right next to me and grabbed me in a headlock.

"Now listen closely 'Shio." He said in a lecturing tone over my protests at being manhandled. "I am the big brother here and you are the little brother. That means it is my job to take care of you, all you have to do is be eternally thankful for me and be the best at whatever you want to do." As an afterthought he added. "Well you can also lend me money."

Squeezing out from under his arm I gave him my best shove. "Beg on my doorstep a few days and I might acknowledge you exist." I said bluntly while inwardly thankful that Shisui had lightened things up. Taking the opening I changed the subject and took to grilling him about events in the village at large. While I had almost free run of the Uchiha compound between studies and training I wasn't allowed out into Konoha proper without one of my parents in the lead and I could count on my hands the number of times they had taken me out there with them.

It took over an hour for dad to get home after that by which time I'd ended up on the sofa in mum's lap listening to an anecdote from the office about someone trying to use water from a cooler as fuel for a jutsu when the door opened and closed.

"I'm home!" Dad called out before adding tiredly. "Finally." He slipped off his shoes, vest and kunai pouch before kissing mum on the cheek and sitting down heavily next to us. I shuffled over so I could sit between them.

Coming to think of these two strangers as my parents had been easier than I ever would have expected. If I was in an extra cynical mood I'd call it a sort of Stockholm Syndrome, when you only see the same few faces most days for years on end it's difficult not to bond with them, being showered with love and attention didn't hurt things as much as they would have if I'd been mobile.

I'd bonded with Shisui of course he was a good guy and he straddled the line between patronising and throwing me in at the deep end but it was different with them, they had decided to have a second child for some reason, at this time when world-changing events were set to begin for some reason and for some reason or perhaps the sheer random stupidity the universe I had ended up being that child.

In their own way they had saved me from that terrifying darkness, it didn't matter to me if it was unintentional I loved them for it anyway.

"Hi dad, how was work?" He huffed noisily and dropped a hand heavily onto my head. "Exhausting." He replied shortly. I frowned a little at the uninformative answer and mum smiled down at me, I get the aggravating feeling that she found my grumpy expressions _cute_.

Shisui took it upon himself to address the elephant in the room with less subtlety. "Did something happen at work? Anything out of the ordinary?"

"You boys would make a good pair for interrogations." Dad said with dry humour. "Innocence and insidiousness is quite the combination."

"Thanks." Shisui's reply was almost undetectably brittle. My brother had objected to any veiled or open advice that he should join the Military Police, he claimed that he simply felt he worked better on active missions though I worried that the MPs were being used partly to push Uchiha further away from important roles in the village and partly to consolidate power by the clan leaders. "Anyway." He pressed lightly.

"Anyway." I piped up in an identical tone of voice, pressing on another flank.

"Right, right I know." Dad said exasperatedly while idly ruffling my hair. "If you must know a group of Genin defaced the headquarters, they were quick enough to give us the run around the village for over an hour before we caught them all."

I forced down a giggle at the idea of a pack of grim faced Uchiha chasing pranksters all over the place. "So what happened when you caught them?"

"Well." He said slyly. "They'll clean it up of course but we decided it was a bit too late in the day to get the job done before it got too dark, so they'll be our guests overnight and clear up in the morning. It'll give them extra time to think about what they've done."

 _That's pretty heavy-handed._ I thought to myself and raised my brows but said nothing, social commentary seemed like it would be odd coming from a four-year old.

"Kind of harsh isn't it?" Shisui put in, he tried to keep his tone light but I could feel that he was prepared to argue the point. "Couldn't they have been "gently" escorted home instead? It would've been worth it to see the looks on their parents' faces."

Dad's expression soured and his hand lifted off of my head. "A mere scolding will not teach these vandals to respect the Uchiha. We cannot afford to be lax."

"So we alienate everyone instead? I can hear the rumours already. "MPs imprison children at play without charge." It wouldn't surprise if they aren't already beating down the door at the headquarters."

"That's absurd." Dad sounded like he doubted Shisui's intelligence right now. "The truth of the matter is easy to see." Suddenly he looked down at me. "Toshio, tell me what do you think?"

 _Oh cock._ I'd been quite content to stay out of the conversation but now I felt like I was being called on to cast the deciding vote. "I-I guess...I." I stammered intelligently.

"Satoru." Mum spoke to dad admonishingly. "There's no need to put him on the spot like that." She put an arm around my shoulder protectively. "You don't have to answer right away, take some time to think about it okay?"

I fidgeted in between them before speaking haltingly.

"Well I haven't seen much of the village so all I really know about what happens out there is just hearsay and I think the same happens with what people outside the clan hear about us. The truth gets...twisted when all there is to go on are rumours."

Being under the stare of three sets of those dark eyes was pretty intimidating. Dad looked sceptical but didn't dismiss what I'd said out of hand, while my brother seemed thoughtful. Looking at mum I found it difficult to gauge her opinion, as best as I could tell she was confused at my not taking her way out and gotten involved voluntarily.

Dad managed to speak up before Shisui could.

"An...interesting statement but what can be done about it? The leaders of the village do not seem to care much when we do try to speak frankly with them. After the Kyuubi incident they not only ignored us when we denied our involvement but forced us into this compound, they built the walls that separate us not the Uchiha." He said sternly but not harshly. Tellingly Shisui only looked a little put out and didn't try to contradict him.

Taking advantage of the momentary silence mum declared that she had to get on with dinner and volunteered me to help, scooping me up off of the sofa we bustled out of the room without leaving any room for objections. I got the feeling that having parents with enhanced ninja strength would make the aggravating manhandling go on for even longer than usual. I actually did enjoy sitting on the shoulders of my parents and Shisui but getting hauled into the air sometimes without even a "come here" had annoyed me enough to loudly protest until everyone had learned to give me some warning most of the time.

* * *

The rest of the evening passed in relative peace though everyone especially Shisui threw me the occasional curious glance, I got the feeling that I'd definitely talked too much. Though the way I see it nothing would make me question whether this life was something my admittedly...not ordinary mind had come up with more than if we got along all the time.

Earlier on in the evening than I would have liked I had been packed off to bed, another of those things about being a child that made sense for a _real_ four-year old but was a pain for one with an adult mind that pretty much needed to be utterly exhausted to actually rest. Thankfully the weirdly patchy technology of this world did include battery powered torches for sneaky late night reading.

It must have been well after midnight when the door opened, panicking I made a token effort to hastily flick the torch off and pretend to be asleep but it was likely an effort in futility when living with a family of ninjas.

"'Shio. I can tell you're awake." I relaxed at the sound of my brother's whispering voice and rolled over to face him. He'd caught me doing this a couple of times before but hadn't told our parents about it, he had just sat down and let me ask him questions about words I wasn't able to read or say yet, well after spending a while unbending my pride that is.

Flopping on my side I stayed silent until I could just about make out his face in the dark. He was sitting by my bed as usual but he had a strange look on his face.

"What is it nii-san?"

"What you said earlier about how we...get along with the rest of the village, I wanted to ask you what would you do to help if you could?"

"Me? But I..." I stopped myself from hiding behind my apparent age to avoid the question like I should have earlier. If I could try to be straight with anyone it would be Shisui, shaking off my hesitation I looked him in the eye and forged ahead.

"Well no one trusts us and I hear stuff about the MPs losing their authority to ANBU but someone needs to get in a fairly important position and prove we can be helpful, is that why you don't want to want to join the MPs?"

"I guess that's part of it...but I don't think I'm the one to bridge the gap, someone else will be the one to do that." He didn't seem surprised, more curious at my "insight". "Do you always think things over this much 'Shio? I didn't think you were the type to hold back."

I shifted nervously in place and broke eye contact for a moment.

"Maybe I don't want certain people to know that I'm this mature, if that's the right word. I don't think I want to get into all that prodigy stuff yet." Or catch the eye of a certain fake cylcops without a golden opportunity to stick a knife in the bastard.

I likely could get away with blaming this society for any violent tendencies I had but I would be lying, even Before I could have put together a list of people I think I would be okay with killing but none of those were personal, just certain individuals who could drop dead and in doing so make that world a better place in my opinion.

Shisui shuffled closer so that I could lean against his side if I wanted to but I didn't move.

"If you're that worried do you even want to be shinobi at all?"

"Huh? Sure I do, I know it's scary and I know I could get hurt." _Or die...again._ "But I want to get strong enough to be able to protect myself and-" I smirked up at him. "I don't care if that would deprive you of some brotherly duty." Unexpectedly I found myself yawning while my brother groaned in mock hurt.

While I tried to rub the impending sleep out of my eyes Shisui stopped his groaning and chuckled at me.

"You should probably get to sleep now, enough heavy talk for one night." He hugged me close to his side and I awkwardly put my arms as far as I could manage around his waist. After a few moments he let and stood up to leave.

"Just keep it up okay 'Shio? I'll see you in the morning." I assumed he was telling me to keep flying under the radar for now though I wasn't sure whether he was worried about me getting pushed out into a fight early or being noticed by forces outside the clan.

I flopped down with a casual wave in his general direction.

"Night nii-san." I mumbled as he shut the door behind him. "Enough heavy talk, right." I wasn't worried about nightmares, I don't dream much and they don't bother me when I do have them. Getting to sleep at all was the problem.

Reaching out I picked up a stuffed tanuki toy that I had gotten for my second birthday, I had promptly named it "Shuka" and refused to explain myself to anyone. Hugging it close I tried

getting back into character, a real child wouldn't have to deal with this, wouldn't know what I did about the future.

The serious conversations had brought my worries back to the forefront of my mind, to get any decent sleep and not be a nervous wreck in general I'd hide behind my physical state. A child isn't expected to save the world and I could try to trick myself into believing that that's what I was.

After nearly an hour it either worked or I managed to fall asleep anyway.

* * *

Author Notes: So after three months of procrastinating and some Pokemon I finally finished this.  
I had that oh crap moment is this chapter when I realised that I had never written a scene with more than two characters in it, so I hope those turned out ok.

Followers **and** Favourites are now in double digits! Huzzah!

Now reviews, thanks to you two once again, to everyone else give me more feedback!  
iiSiaielah: Predictability is of course something I am trying to avoid. Either way the current state of affairs doesn't make encounters with canon characters that haven't already appeared highly unlikely. Everything else you'll have to wait (maybe quite some time) and see.

DarkDust27: No more baby times, sorry but there isn't much to work with when writing from the perspective of someone who can't move or speak or even understand most of what's being said. As far as the timeline goes let me just say that I believe in the butterfly effect when it comes to time shenanigans.


	4. Chapter 4

"Toshio." A stern voice snapped at me. "Correct your stance."

I barely managed not to shoot the speaker a sour look and simply said "Hai, Fugaku-sama." instead. Staring at the clan chief's younger son standing opposite me I moved my feet a little closer together to mirror his own stance.

In my peripheral vision I saw Fugaku nod slightly from where he stood at the edge of the training field.

"Begin."

Sasuke made the first move as usual, he closed the distance between us and aimed a punch straight at my face. He had natural skill at fighting physically but he had yet to grasp some of the finer points of tactics, namely unpredictability. I slipped sideways and deflected the blow with my forearm, with my free arm I went to sock him in the gut but he hopped backward out of reach.

Pressing forward I launched high a kick at his chest which he caught a little clumsily with one hand, wincing a little at the impact. Grabbing my ankle with both hands he hooked a leg around the one I still had on the ground and pulled it out from under me, as I lost my footing I could clearly see that blasted smirk on his face.

I grinned back fiercely, even though Fugaku would likely give me crap for losing composure.

Twisting as I fell I rebounded back upward off of one hand using the continuing turning motion to pull my leg free and regain my footing. Moving apart we circled around each other, Sasuke was still smiling a little while I wore an impassive mask as an expression once more.

We exchanged blows for several minutes back and forth, burning chakra when our stamina ran low. Annoying Sasuke managed to pin me once and I may have been petty enough to hit him a bit harder than I should have for a sparring match, still that's what you get for making me competitive and he toughed it out anyway.

Once we were both shaking on our feet Fugaku broke his stoic silence.

"Enough." We froze and snapped straight and faced him. He looked at us both with a stern expression that could easily be with disapproval, basically his default. "You both still lack focus, you are learning to fight and kill not play a child's game."

"Hai, Fugaku-sama." I chorused alongside Sasuke though he naturally substituted in "Otou-sama". I could play this game effortlessly, give the man half an ear, chirp the required replies at the right times and think about how much I missed sausages.

Our dear clan chief reeled off several other ways we'd messed up before dismissing the two of us, I say we but Sasuke got the lion's share of the criticism. Training had been ramping up in frequency and intensity for months for both of us but I was still an afterthought when compared to Sasuke, afterthought, vengeful punch bag and target to beat/stay ahead of.

The moment he was out of sight we both crumpled in the dirt panting. Keeping ahead of Sasuke academically was easy but in terms of physical training I didn't have any previous experience to draw on at all, I'd never done any martial arts or boxing or even seen a Bruce Lee movie last time around.

Putting my personal pride before pain I rolled over and stood up first.

"Well...Sasuke...are you…going to...lie there...all day?" I stood upright and grinned widely but panted noisily as I spoke.

Sasuke scowled and groaned while he hauled himself to his feet and stumbled a little before meeting my eyes with his own belligerent smile.

"I...wanted...to...make sure...that you...didn't...want...another...round."

I punched him lightly on the arm and led the way back to the compound proper while Sasuke chattered about our spar and his father's advice. It was only the third time Fugaku had supervised our training himself so when he did check in on us Sasuke tended to get hyped up over it and fight even harder than usual. Frankly it was a wonder that the man noticed my existence with how much he ignored his own son.

The clan chief was someone I hadn't managed to feel out yet, I couldn't tell if he was genuinely in favour of the coup or being carried along by the will of the clan. I say it that way but I had no idea how many people were going along with it

A lot of the people we passed in the street called out to us as we walked, the clan's isolation from the village proper naturally led to it being very close-knit. I'm not all that good with names, if I use them a few times I can remember them fairly well but otherwise they can drop out of my head in under a minute which let to the occasional awkward conversation when I got called by name by a faintly familiar face, fortunately I was still playing second fiddle to Sasuke and could let him handle the names, he didn't have several hundred Pokemon rattling around in his memory anyway.

We ended up perched on a wall sharing a bag of senbei when both of our brothers caught up with us. Naturally Shisui's less reserved voice got our attention first while Itachi simply followed quietly until they got close enough to not shout.

Itachi was a mess of mixed feelings for me, I hadn't actively freaked out whenever he was in the room after the first few times but I couldn't forget that unless I changed things he would be the one that would kill me and almost everyone I had come to care about here. No matter how much I wanted to save him too, how kind he was I still couldn't be at ease around him and I was sure both he and Shisui were more than sharp enough to notice my odd behaviour.

"Nii-san!" Sasuke called out brightly and waved enthusiastically. "Hi Shisui!" In contrast I simply smiled, gave a small wave and said "hey". Just being near my brother's closest friend could strip away the façade that I had built to shield myself from the constantly looming doom.

My disturbing thoughts were cut off when Shisui's hand dropped heavily on my head and ruffled my already messy hair leaving me clumsily trying to brush it out of my face with my fingers.

The wide grin and the weight of my brother's hand seemed like a throwaway sign of affection initially but there was a worry in his dark eyes that I had seen a few times before when I tried to gauge the mood of the clan under the guise of innocence, though I hadn't seen it focused purely on me before.

"Hey 'Shio." He said cheerfully. "You ok? How was training?" For a moment I thought he might have been thinking that it was Fugaku's less then tender teaching style could have gotten me down but I quickly decided that he definitely knew that that wasn't the real problem.

Brushing the last of my fringe out of my eyes I gave him a mock glare but couldn't keep from smiling up at him more genuinely. "I was doing just fine until you turned up nii-san, I've seen how you look in the mornings and it isn't pretty. I don't want to end up looking that way in public."

Shisui laughed and didn't press further for the moment presumably since Sasuke was still right next to me, nothing could make me subject that kid to the kind of stress I laboured under. Still he was worried about me now and he'd tell an army to take a bloody number before dropping it. I'd wish that people cared a little less but I saw that episode of Fairly Odd Parents and I don't need to see anyone swinging on their armpit hair.

While I was half-heartedly beating a mental image out of my head that was disturbingly funny as opposed to being merely disturbing something Itachi said seemed to have gotten Sasuke excited about something again. "Hey Toshio!" He waved a hand in front of my face until he was sure I was paying attention. "Itachi-nii said we can go with him next time he visits Neko-baa."

I took a moment to recall all that stuff with ninja cats and pawprints and how the hell Yugito got talked into providing Matatabi's.

While I was chafing to go _somewhere_ the idea of being stuck with Itachi didn't sound like fun, I wouldn't be surprised if I ended up decking him on reflex at some point. Outwardly I simply pretended to mull it over before murmuring quietly. "I'll think about it."

"You always say that!" Sasuke said indignantly, apparently he noticed I was a non-committal loser, that is I _always_ consider a problem carefully and _never_ procrastinate until the last minute. "My dad says you have to decisive to be a ninja."

"Yeah I think I was around for that one." I grunted flippantly while wondering when he was going to grow out of quoting lectures by rote, I'd had a fair amount of freedom to choose what to think my first time round after I hit 15 but in this society we'd be in the thick of it long before that. Maybe that's the whole idea, get us bloodied up and used to it before we started asking questions. Either way I've got more immediate problems than this world's social junk.

Stopping in front of me Sasuke shoved his sour face into mine. "Come on just make a decision on the spot for a change! Are you coming or not? I'm going to count down and you say yes or no. Three. Two. One!"

"Well...I" I floundered.

"Now!"

"Yes!" _Bugge_ _r. How could I possibly say no to that adorable face you_ _up and coming force of destruction you little shite you._

Sasuke cheered loudly and walked on with a definite extra spring in his step leaving me feeling distinctly defeated, Shisui patted my head sympathetically but when I glanced at him both he and Itachi just looked amused at my getting steam-rolled.

* * *

In the middle of the night I sat in my room with a dim light on slowly packing a small travel bag to last a few days. My parents had agreed to letting me go without objection, naturally if both Itachi and Sasuke were going somewhere alone it had to be pretty much completely safe. The three of us would be leaving in the morning and my apprehension had only grown over the last few days, no matter how much the rational side of my mind kept reminding me that Itachi wasn't going to kill everyone just yet the rest of it always got hung up on the bloody death part.

I already knew that both he and Shisui could take a secret to the grave, getting sold out wasn't what I was worried about it was not being believed at all. Naturally no one had mentioned to me how far along the coup plan was if it had even started yet and I had no idea what actually went on during this period except for flashbacks that had been from Sasuke's perspective which was about as useful as evaluating the quality of education at a pre-school by asking one of the students.

The only thing I could reliably throw out was that I knew about Shisui's Mangekyo, no one was supposed to know about that but I wasn't sure if that would be enough to make him buy that I knew how this story went or that it was a story.

 _Would I believe me? "Hi I was a Brit in my early twenties then I died and became your-oh what's a Brit? Well..."_ My mind ran around in circles until I punched the floor in frustration. Too small! Too young! Too weak!

Feeling my cheeks burn at throwing a childish tantrum I rubbed away a furious itching in my eyes cursing at the idea that I might be tearing up. "Shit." I hissed. Lowering my hands I found them bone dry and my eyes were raw like I had rubbed them with sandpaper.

Behind me the door opened and closed, I hadn't heard any footsteps meaning it probably wasn't Shisui, he usually tried to let me know he was there somehow before coming in. "Toshio." A firm voice cut cleanly through my thoughts, it held an admonishing tone but it tried not to slip into harshness. "Why are you still up? I heard a noise."

Smiling ruefully I gave a lame wave. "Hey dad I was just having some trouble getting everything packed up." I gestured to the contents of the bag exploding outward across the floor. He was the only person I could tolerate seeing right now, mum would coddle me and I didn't trust myself not to spill my guts to Shisui if I saw him now.

Coming into the room proper he crouched next to me smoothly. "Here let me, you can do it yourself next time." It didn't even take him two minutes to empty out and repack everything with an easy efficiency. "One of the more mundane skills you'll learn but still a useful one." He looked at me searchingly. "So Toshio, what's the real problem?" At my surprised expression his turned a little mournful. "I'm no fool, I know that you're lying and I can tell that you're afraid of something."

Looking down at the floor I fidgeted, I can lie confidently but being surrounded by ninja rozzers with super perceptive special eyes ready to use was killing me. "I..I..it's just that I haven't gone anywhere yet...before. I don't know what to do." _First truthful thing I've said in the conversation there._ _Piss._ "Things are going to change and I need to do something-" _But I don't know what._ I was starting to tip my hand by now and a change of scenery was sounding like a much better idea.

"Enough." I clung to the firm tone and strong hand on my back like a lifeline. "The world will change no matter what and we can only try to be swept in the direction we choose."

Looking up at him I saw a possible opportunity. "What about forcing a change?" I probed, suddenly calm. "How far do you go to shape the outcome to what you want? How far would **you** go?"

"For the clan or for a mission, as far as it takes. There can be no compromise when it comes to your duty." He was getting off track from what I was fishing for. If this was my first time round these lovely pearls of wisdom would be informative and maybe even helpful but with over two decades of cynicism already under my belt it was just a rehash.

Nodding dutifully I tried to get things back on track. "The others don't like how things are now, does that mean there needs to be a change?" Looking down and inwardly gritting my teeth I pressed on. "Maybe someone is doing something about it right now?" After a moment I hazarded a glance at dad's face and was caught by his sharp gaze, he seemed truly shocked by the implication.

"What did you hear?" As best I could tell the question was a genuine one, if he wasn't in the business of hiding his facial expressions I think he would look outright bewildered. "Did one of the others say something?"

"N-no….no one said anything it's just that the general mood is giving me that impression you know?" I found I sounded more surprised at dad's response along with my sense of relief. "So everything is okay?" _For now._ If he didn't know anything then the plot had either not started yet or was still confined to a small hidden group, either way it meant I still had time before things came to a head.

Nodding calmly he patted my head and I didn't pout for a change. "Everything is fine Toshio, trust me." After a moment I smiled a little and nodded. "Good. Now-" He stood in a single fluid motion. "-to bed. I likely won't see you before you leave tomorrow so have a good journey and do what Itachi tells you, think of it as a mission where he is the team leader."

I crouched on one knee and fist in imitation of a particularly ninja pose I remembered and barked "yes sir" before obediently getting into bed.

Nodding approvingly dad simply flicked the light off. "I'll see you when you get back." He said as he left leaving me to settle down though once the door shut there was a pause before he walked off.

Curling inward I smiled to myself, I had some time in hand, had bonded a bit with my dad and was about to go on an adventure with lots of cats! Actual 'tiny ninjas in fur coats'! Somehow I managed not to actually squee at the idea and quietly tried to get to sleep.

* * *

Next morning I had managed to sleep at least a bit and was chomping at the bit to get going, dad was as he said already gone and Shisui had unexpectedly left early for a mission leaving mum the only person from my family left to see me off.

Sasuke meanwhile was barely staying on the ground in spite of looking like he barely slept at all. He chattered excitedly with me and Itachi while Mikoto looked on with her ever-present air of quiet dignity, Fugaku meanwhile was nowhere to be seen I understood that he was busy but it did seem like he acted aloof towards his sons on purpose sometimes.

While Sasuke bounced around my mum was making sure that I wasn't going on an adventure running late and leaping over fences without a handkerchief, she was going through my pack with a clinical efficiency. "….toothbrush, toothpaste, hairbrush, spare underwear, spare socks…." She muttered aloud as she checked items off.

"Mum please, it's fine. Everything is in there." I whined and tried to get my hands in while morbidly wondering if Itachi would kill me early if I asked nicely. At least letting dad take a look last night meant I could be certain there wasn't that one thing I had forgotten for a change.

Once she finally stopped fussing mum hugged me a little longer than I thought was normal and kissed my cheek. "Have fun Toshio and stay safe….just let Itachi lead and come back safe." She hugged me again until I hugged her back.

The three of us finally set off not from the main village gates but from a much smaller one near the clan compound, after bowing respectfully to Mikoto I waved to mum catching the wistfulness in her smile and turned my attention to my two companions.

"Sure you've got everything?" Itachi teased lightly as I hefted my pack.

"Yes heichou!" I snapped back deadpan.

* * *

Author Notes: I'm still here, I didn't abandon this! Yeah this took a very long time, I hit a rut barely kept up with roleplaying junk off the site and unhelpfully got stuck into catching up with FFXIV before Stormblood arrives.

Writing about parenting is hard, really hard I mean damn I wanted to throw out half this chapter and start over, still it's here now and barring catastrophe it's here to stay.

God knows when I'll get another chapter up but if you're some sort of saint that cares about my little work amidst the sea of fics know I don't plan on abandoning this anytime soon, especially with all the cats I'm going to get to write for next time!

Now please fav, follow or review, every notification sends me over the moon, especially reviews I can take criticism of the constructive sort so critique me dammit! CRITIQUE MEEEEEE!


	5. Chapter 5

"Hey Toshio..." Itachi began carefully while he walked next to me. "Wh-"

"Yes Heichou?" I let him just start to speak before cutting him off sharply, on the opposite side of Itachi Sasuke poorly hid a snigger.

The older boy's mild expression cracked a little with a combination of annoyance and amusement. "Do you have to call me that?"

"Yes Heichou!" I barked. This time Sasuke laughed out loud glad to have a new way to pass the time, we had used tree-hopping to cover a fair amount of distance since leaving Konoha but 'heichou' had made us stop and walk for a bit to let me and Sasuke get our wind back.

Now looking slightly pained by my japes Itachi tried again. "Very well, **why** do you have to call me that?"

I'll admit it was a little cathartic to be able to mess with him like that, it was very unfair to him but it's like when you confront a former bully you lived in constant fear of years ago only to realise that they're a real person and have grown up to be relatively normal with a lower paying job, but without the vindictive joy of course.

"Well Heichou my dad said I'm to treat this like a proper mission and you as the team leader." I explained in a deliberately stiff tone of voice. "I use the title out of the _greatest respect_ for you….Heichou."

"I'm sure." He replied dryly. "So in that case you are going to follow my orders?" He seemed to be hoping against hope that I might actually cooperate but I expertly brought him back to Earth(?) with a shit-eating grin snorted and managed to say 'selective hearing Heich-' before breaking down and catching the giggles from Sasuke.

Itachi tilted his head back for a moment in what seemed to be exasperation but the contented smile he wore told a different story.

Idly he planted a hand on my head and took his small piece of revenge for my teasing, along with this world's tendency to thumb it's nose at the laws of physics as I had known them there seemed to be a special law of attraction that drew anyone over a head taller than me to ruffle my hair, some like Itachi now and more often Shisui did it to irritate me, far too many said it was because I looked...ugh _cute_ with my already wild locks in further disarray. Thinking about it I suppose I got a fair bit of that Before but then the list of people tall enough to do it had been pretty damn small by the time I hit my teens first time around let alone after that.

Annoyingly unaffected by my best death stare Itachi urged us forward. "You sound like you've rested more than enough, shall we move along?"

"Yeah!" Me and Sasuke chimed enthusiastically as we took off, we weren't in any real hurry to reach our destination but Itachi was still setting a slower pace than I would have liked if only because tree-hopping is actually the most fun ever and going at 'unreasonable' speed definitely makes it even better.

Pinging off of a branch I passed Sasuke and cheekily quipped at him. "On your left." Following close behind Sasuke made an incoherent angry noise and picked up the pace, while I laughed out loud I wasn't crazy enough to go any faster just to one-up this kid, unless he dared me of course.

The two of us continued to race through the trees without quite going into plaid while Itachi hung back. On a particularly long jump I took a quick glance back and saw him effortlessly pacing us, if he wanted to catch up he could do it in seconds but he was obviously content to let us run ahead.

Looking ahead I saw that the trees were thinning out before opening up into an empty plain, seeing the finish line was close the two of us put on even more speed. Problem was being a pair of competitive brats we were too focused on winning to pay attention to the fact that approaching the edge of the forest meant we were hopping off of younger trees with thinner branches, while my luck held out Sasuke's didn't.

Sasuke was trying to get ahead of me and was visible in the corner of my eye when a branch bent under his weight dropping his feet out from under him. Carried past him by my momentum I idiotically twisted to look and tripped sending me scrambling for footing. By now I was properly panicking, I was trying to focus on not wiping out and not on the fact that Sasuke might have just broken his neck over our dumb rivalry. Suddenly an arm grabbed me around the waist and everything blurred for a moment. When my brain caught up I found myself on the ground slung securely under Itachi's arm, twisting around I saw that I wasn't the only being carried like a sack of potatoes.

"Sasuke!" I cried out in relief and wriggled loose, running around Itachi I looked him over for any injuries and….the little shit was laughing his head off. "I guess this means you win Toshio." He said brightly still smiling like it was all a big joke until he noticed Itachi didn't look happy and that I was outright smouldering. "What? What is it?"

Itachi was just opening his mouth when I blew up. "You idiot! That wasn't funny! You could've been hurt even...even.." I stuttered and left the remainder of that sentence unsaid. "Itachi won't be there to catch you forever." I said in a lower tone and picked a direction to storm off in.

Getting myself a short distance away I stopped and stared at some random spot on the horizon trying to work out why I had just exploded on my friend like that. Something about the near spill had brought up things I was trying to ignore, maybe I'd died and ended up here for some similarly stupid reason and repressed the memory out of embarrassment. Death had been something I had managed to keep at arms length, even having the only two grandparents that survived long enough for me to form coherent memories of die didn't really affect me deeply and maybe I'd tried to get back to that place after having the reality of my own mortality waved in my face. In a lot of ways my new upbringing in this world reinforced that, death was obviously a part of the shinobi lifestyle even more than for the average person but while me and Sasuke had heard of the occasional clan member being killed we hadn't yet faced up to it properly.

Hearing movement next to me I saw that Itachi had sat down on the ground next to me leaving Sasuke shuffling his feet in the dirt just out of earshot, here I was contemplating my view of life and death and my murderer to be had to make a concentrated effort not to sneak up on me. How did I manage to keep from freaking out every time he was near me again?

"Toshio." He said simply, his expression unreadable. "What was that?" Itachi was someone I often found difficult to get a bead on, something about his demeanour made him seem slightly disconnected socially probably to do with his managing to cram years of training into just one and graduate alongside students significantly older than he was.

"I don't...it's not right, Sasuke could've been hurt, I could've broken my neck and he just thinks it's one big joke." Restlessly I paced a little. "But of course we're just children aren't we? It's supposed to be all sunshine and rainbows until we get thrown into the big wide world, we're not meant to pay attention to what you're actually doing whenever you or my brother are off "fulfilling your duty to the clan" but we're already being taught to kill aren't we?" My voice rose as the contradictions of this society piled on top of the intermingled layers I had built up around my own identity.

I kept trying to submerge myself in the role of the child ignorant of the world's true brutality with rationalisations that I was trying not to draw attention to myself and that it wasn't the right time to use my knowledge yet but no matter how much sense that made the man I had been kept prodding me and reminding me of what was to come while pointing at the ticking clock and all the while these two sides pulled in different directions I found my parents each egging their favoured side on. While my father pushed me towards learning to fight and mum wanted to keep me as far away as possible from the battlefields that had forced my brother to grow up so quickly.

Most of the time I could keep up my façade but incidents like this always kicked things off again and of course no matter how well intentioned the people I had come to call family were I couldn't tell them anything, the closest I could get to talking through my personal contradictions was by applying them to society as a whole.

Itachi looked into my eyes for a few moments then stared off into the distance. "You already know something of what you'll face as a ninja don't you?" He glanced at me as I sat beside him and nodded while hugging my knees. "I was even younger than you are now when my father showed me the reality of this way of life." His voice hardened with determination. "That was also when I decided I would change this world."

Lifting my head I stared at Itachi, I realised that I'd been so focused on the character of Itachi as the tragic martyr and my own potential murderer that I hadn't thought about his own hopes and dreams that he had given up or would give up to protect the village and to protect Sasuke.

It was humbling to think that while I with the benefit of an extra couple of decades of life experience was having a freak out while this child sitting beside me could not only come to terms with what he would have to do but had decided to find a way to help everyone else while he was at it. If he could go that far surely I could do what was necessary for the sake of myself and those I cared for. Closing my eyes I exhaled and looked back to Itachi feeling calmer now. "Well in that case I can't hold you up here." I got my feet under me and sprang upright. "Let's go."

Seeing that I had stopped moping Sasuke dropped a stick he had been scratching in the dirt with and came over with a hopeful look on his face. "Hey..." He said cautiously until I smiled back disarmingly. "Hey Sasuke...umm...I'm sorry for yelling and everything." I said while awkwardly fiddling with my ear. "Still thanks to Itachi I'm good to go again!"

Tilting his head curiously Sasuke looked between the two of us. "What did you talk about?" I simply exchanged a look with Itachi and smirked. "It's a secret!"

"Aww come on!" He protested and rounded on his brother instead. "Come on nii-san tell me." Itachi beckoned him to come closer as if to whisper in his ear and poked his forehead when he fell for it as he always did. "Sorry Sasuke, maybe some other time." Thankfully I'd caught on to what Itachi was doing and had time to suppress a wince at the familiar gesture while Sasuke pouted and rubbed his forehead.

Taking the lead Itachi took a quick look at the sky. "We should get going if we want to be there before it gets late, come on." He took off at a relatively relaxed run and after a moment Sasuke followed leaving me bringing up the rear, if Itachi couldn't be there to watch his back the whole time then I'd pick up the slack whenever I could. 

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Author Notes: Yeah so I'm still here and all that, I could make excuses for why this took so ruddy long but to be straight with you all I'm not what you would call a speedy writer even when I am feeling motivated. Even churning out a couple of paragraphs for a roleplaying post in a single evening is quite the achievement for me, still guess I'm the kind of nutjob that likes Sisyphean tasks even on top of feeling a little ashamed when over writers apologise for not updating in over a fortnight.

Anyway enough feeling sorry for myself so I'd like to apologise to everyone for not getting any cats in this chapter, things spiralled out of control again and at one point when I was psyching myself up for it my actual cat died which sucked though the little bastard had a good run and spent the entire time leaving white hair on my trousers.

Feel free to shower me with favs, follows and reviews, actually on the subject of critique I would like to ask people's opinion on the dialogue, see I've been deliberately trying to keep Toshio's speech relatively simple to reflect that he is not speaking English here and that I am a terrible mono-linguist (I'd say I might not be completely lost in German but honestly even saying that is probably more to make me feel a tiny bit better about myself) but I'm a little worried that it comes off as a bit dumbed down or something.

Anywho the final thing I'd like to say is thank you to everybody who faved, followed or reviewed, I appreciate all of them of course but that moment where a notification pops up even after I've been ghosting for months really puts a stupid smile on my face.

P.S. Caturday next time promise!


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